I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
