i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
