i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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