I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
