but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
