Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
