At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
