Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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