What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
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Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!