Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE