The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You just made me feel so damn special
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.