let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
