I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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