Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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