just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
