Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
