I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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