Three words: puerto rican gang bang
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
