Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
