you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
