if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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