he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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