Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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