I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
