Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We are all done wearing pants today
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
