now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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