I'm going to jail i love you
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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