I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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