I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
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Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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