I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
