I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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