Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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