Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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