I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
