i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
