Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
