I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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