Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
