If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
