Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
