I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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