Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
