mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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