how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
