I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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