And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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