kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
3 2 1 whiskey
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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