I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize