PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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