dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
