So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
