We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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