i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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