the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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