I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
