I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
