Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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