i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
