I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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