Soap is not a condiment
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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