apparently the secret to your success is patron
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
