Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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