Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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