I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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