Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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