I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
