I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
