sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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