Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
