Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
