dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
